Something occurred to me today, as I was plating up my lunch. I am getting used to less food on my plate... I am not feeling deprived. Every time I have tried dieting in the past, I feel deprived and sometimes even angry that I cannot have what I want. It's a strange way to feel. It makes me think that maybe the old 'food as comfort' thing really does apply to me. I never thought it did, because I wouldn't sit down and binge on a packet of chips or eat half a cake or whatever, I have never done that. I think I just overeat at every single meal... filling myself up, comforting myself.

I started putting on weight when I was 6, that was also the time when my mother walked out. My dad raised my brother and I in the 70's, a time when there was no such thing as a single father who wasn't a widower. I don't want to get all "Oprah" and say that I was eating my feelings or trying to fill the void that my mother left behind... but damn it, it kinda makes sense. Funny how I have never really put that together before. I guess I would just so hate to be a cliche ;)

Step by step I want to put this all together. Why have I spent 37 years filling my plate and filling myself up to way past full. I just want to be a normal weight, I don't want to stand out from the crowd for all the wrong reasons.